The Hardest Part of letting go, is letting go

I think the hardest part of growing up is finding yourself & acknowledging change. I remember I was so lost & always semi depressed in high school. I didn't know who I was because I was too busy trying to keep up with what I thought were my friends. So along the way of finding myself, I lost myself...it was so bad that it took a total stranger who prophesied to me for me to wake up & realize that this was my life...& if I can't see what everyone else sees in me, than what's the point of anything anymore...I decided that day December 6, 2006 to re dedicate my life to Christ...I chose to get baptized & be filled with the holy spirit...& blessed with the ability to speak in tongues...little by little things started to change with me...first my attitude, then my language, then the way I carried myself...I was definitely the hot 110 lb girl(all in my mind) who had no problem showing cleavage, my stomach, and wear short, very short shorts & skirts...now u can't catch me looking trashy...I don't even wear tight pants..I feel like when I step out of my home, I'm representing God...& some things I just won't wear...anyway along with my personal change came other changes...financially & emotionally...I was blessed enough to bless others...nothing I regret to this day...I also lost many friends along the way...I tell people all the time, when u become blessed, its amazing what God reveals to you...at the time I was battling talking to this guy who was in & out of prison, but I just couldn't let go...it was so bad that I let him abuse me(with words), steal from me, control me, use me...make me feel like nothing...but all he had to do was say sorry & I love u ..tsk..& I was right back in his arms...they say u can't help who u love ...whatever..I didn't love him...I loved the thought of him...I can't explain it to this day why I stayed for 3 years off & on...anyway one very crazy night he went off on me but this time God was speaking through him to me ..in a sense... He told me "I don't know why u like me, I'm not anything, I don't do anything, I'm never gonna amount to anything." At that very moment I said ur right...what the heck was I thinking...talk about someone who felt stupid & so low...needless to say I got over the "thought" of him...he was no longer a factor in my life...he wasn't trying to help better me or himself... I haven't talked to him verbally since...he's still in & out of jail...wrote me a couple of letters & somehow texted me...he apologized each time for the way he treated me..blah blah blah..& all that stuff...anyway ...I guess I just wanted to share that change doesn't happen overnight & just because u become saved doesn't mean u don't battle with things from ur past...God heals ur heart but u have to take the first step...the hardest part of letting go, is letting go.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4